Thursday, April 19, 2012

Farmers Don't Want to Come Home to an Omelet


Ahem.... "The hills are alive, with the sound of PLANTING SEASON!!!!" That's right folks, planting season has officially begun. This time of the year means a couple of different things for the farmer's wife/family:

One, we are left at home to hold down the fort (usually with the help of firearms and wanna-be gangsta roosters). Everything regarding the functioning of the home is now in the wife's hands. This ranges from keeping the lawn mowed, to re-charging your truck battery because it was a foggy morning and you forgot your lights were on all day long, to doing all the animal chores both times a day. The days of tag teaming with your better half are on hold for several weeks. In the words of Alabama, we "keep the home fires burning".

Two, it means the farmer's wife is on a mini-vacation. Now I know what your thinking...the work load around the home fort is somewhat doubled for awhile, but the cooking slows down considerably, if not becomes non-existent, and for once...FOR ONCE...the remote control is all yours!!! This last statement makes me happy since now I don't have to watch the Outdoor Channel and can instead watch all the episodes of The Real Housewives that I want without hearing snide remarks about it!

The housewife is also free of her timely schedule. Breakfast does not have to be at 8 A.M., lunch does not have to be at noon and supper does not have to be at 7 P.M.

Third, it means freedom to do the crap we normally wouldn't do in front of our husbands! Like eat Ramon noodles in front of the T.V. for supper while watching The Real Housewives, watch old episodes of The Baby-Sitters Club on YouTube, and to finally get to the topic of today's post, eggs-periment with beauty products that end up in total failure. (Because I'm insane, I post it on the Internet for all to read about...)

OK, so the other day, someone (who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are) mentioned to me about all the household uses for eggs. One of which was an egg white face mask. I needed a good topic for this post, so I Googled it and found the site and read about "12 Secret Homemade Uses for Eggs." One of them being the egg white face mask. There is also a face mask made from egg yolk and an egg shampoo  recipe.

Spending most of the day alone today, I decided to try the egg white face mask. Now I'm a sucker for hoping and trying "homemade beauty miracle cures". I always hope I'll find that "secret" right in my own home, or my own chicken coop....when I discover it I'll let you know.

Anyhoo, I broke two eggs and separated the whites.... (I was an over-achiever, you can do it with one egg.)

Then I beat them with a fork until the mixture resembled spit....

I don't think the face mask called for any other ingredients, so I questioned my sanity and smeared the cold stuff on my face. I kept it on for about 15 minutes and felt my face grow tighter and tighter. I wondered if maybe this was what Botox feels like. I was scared to move a muscle. I have to admit it felt very refreshing wiping the mask off and I think my pores were a little smaller. But I do not think I'll be repeating this on a weekly basis. My Proactive works wonders. If it's not broke, why fix it, right?

Tonight I almost called the loony bin as I was beating my saved egg yolks and left-over egg whites together again with some water and olive oil the "shampoo" recipe called for. I even took the bowl in the shower with me and tried out my new "shampoo".

Two words for you: Bull. Crap.

Do not waste your time pouring scrambled eggs over your head in the's cold and doesn't lather up like the post said it would. Stick to Pert Plus or Head and Shoulders, or whatever else you use. I doubt scrambled eggs will give you the hair you want like the girl in the Pantine ads! (Or perhaps The Chicken Lady should just get a full-time job so she doesn't have time on her hands to do this stuff, then post it here for the world to see.)

Fourth, the farmer DOES NOT want to come home to an omelet in bed next to him at the end of the day!

                                                                                  ...cluck... cluck...cluck...

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