Monday, October 8, 2012

Here Comes Prissy Cluck Cluck!


You know how I say chickens are full of drama? What better way to make some extra Benjies than to give them a reality show! Honesty, I don't see how I haven't thought of this before.

So it all started in the wee hours of the morning. I was notified last night that my milking performance was going to be taped this morning by a guy gathering footage for a complied video that will, I guess, at some point air on RFDTV. (That's a farming/agricultural TV channel.) In my case, I get 15 seconds fame, shared with Old Fart. Anyhoo, as any caring stage mother, I tried to convince the guy that needed chicken video and could come to our house to take a video of the cluckies. However, I needed about another 80 or so chickens to be considered an agricultural facility in Highland County.

(Whatever, I mean, Dan and I could live off our "farm" easily enough if we had to. I even have the plough/wagon-pulling capable horses for crying out loud...Oh, yeah and I come from a line of farmers that dates back over 200 years, so... that's my rant.)

That's OK because we have higher ambitions here on the Shawhan farm. Go big or go home. Who needs RFDTV when we can have TLC, Bravo or MTV?? I approached Neely O'Cluck first, since she has had experience in the entertainment industry. (Her ratings in Hit the Coop were out of this world!) When I talked to her about it she just took a long drag on her electronic cigarette (we don't allow the real thing in the barn due to fire hazards), blew the smoke out in my face and replied, "I got bigger worms to fry than lousy reality TV. That's for has beens and I ain't a has been. I'm Neely O'Cluck for cryin' out loud! I'm packin' my bags, doll, because Hollywood phoned me the other day..." (I then proceeded to listen to an hour's worth of Neely tooting her own horn...ugh, my ears are still ringing!)

Next I asked Jennifer Clucknorth. She was shy about the idea. She said she had no talent at all. I said, "Honey, its OK not to have any talent for reality TV! That's what's so great about don't need any!" I think she was actually going to consider it. I was stoked! If I could get Jennifer Clucknorth on TV, everyone would watch! We might even win an Emmy! I tried to fuel her fire by telling her she's so beautiful, everyone would just HAVE to can't turn your eyes away from Jen. Just when I thought she was going to agree, her cell phone rang. She had a brief conversation and hung up. "I'm sorry, really I am. That was my agent. He just signed me on to do several spreads in men's magazines. Things not suitable fro children's eyes. TLC wouldn't appreciate that."

Disappointed, I scanned the rest of the flock. Freckles is still in high school and needs to graduate. Crutchy doesn't want to go on camera...she has a future track and field career. Everyone else from Flock 1 isn't fit to be seen on TV... except Prissy!

I immediately approached her she agreed! She is all for her own reality show. She likes the title "Here Comes Prissy Cluck Cluck". I tried to tell her that sounds too much like an already existing show name, but she threw a huge fit over it. So "Here Comes Prissy Cluck Cluck" it is. The show is about her entering poultry shows and me being her obsessed mom. (I can't believe she is sharing the spotlight with me!) She will sing as part of her talent competition...songs I write for her of course, since she likes to plagiarize them all anyway. I'm a bit worried though, that she will develop a bugger head than what she already has. I overheard her telling another hen that by her exposure on this reality show, she will not only get a recording deal, but my also finally land the man of her dreams!

                                                                                       ...cluck... cluck... cluck...

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