Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Chronicle Mystery: The case of the Deposited Kittens

It was your typical Saturday morning in July. I had just arrived in Cooptown with my partner after a typical morning at Starlite City. We began our routine of taking care of our V.I.P. clientele when my partner exclaims, "We have kittens!"

At first excitement coursed through my veins. I was going to be a mommy again!! A picture of cute blind and deaf fur balls nestled in the hay sprang to my mind. One can only imagine my disappointment when I saw tween starving rag-a-muffins poking flea-infested heads around the corner. One approached with an empty bowl outstretched and begging, "Please Sir, I want some more." I came close to saying, "Well thanks to Bush, you  won't be getting anymore!"

Now when this scenario presents itself you can understand there being a "litter" of kittens. Typically four to five little moppets running around. NONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!! Not here on the Shawhan farm where the motto is "Go BIG or go home!" Heck No! Try a dozen! Yes that's right, the longer we stood in our district the more kittens were discovered running around and causing a muck.

Immediately I put a call into the pied piper...his secretary told me he was on vacation this week. That darn Bush! "Whatdaya mean he's on vacation?" I snarled as twelve tiny mouths begged for a free hand out. (I think they were confused we were the Free Food Bank). "He's taking a vacation...he's out of the country. When he gets back he has appointments in New York, California and New Jersey. In fact, he's booked for the next three months."

I hung up the phone and frantically looked around. These kittens were not welcome in my district. It is V.I.P. clientele only...excluding The Beefy Boys.

AHA!! The light bulb over my head clicked on again. I walked to the very far regions of our district to Beefy Boy turf. I knew I was risking my life since we had taken out two of their men in a matter of a month. The one they call Ernie gave me the evil eye as I approached. I knew I had to be careful.

"Ernie...I need your help."

Ernie looked me up and down and snorted. He then proceeded to pass an insane amount of gas before responding. "Oh yeah? Why should I help you out?"

I ignored his question. He didn't need to help me. He was serving a harsh sentence without parole and his day was coming up fast. So he didn't need to talk. It would not make his sentence any better.

"I need to know who trespassed on our district last night. Did you happen to see anyone?"

Ernie chewed his chew and shook his head. "Nope."

I knew it was a lie. I knew coming down to the district slums was a waste of my time. Maybe a V.I.P. would talk? I shrugged Ernie off and approached Charlie Percheron. He was enjoying his breakfast of oatmeal and was reading the morning paper.

"Morning Charlie."

"Oh good morning! Pleasant morning, don't you say?"

I nodded and cut right to the point. "Charlie I need to know if you saw anyone suspicious on the property last night. Someone who would have dumped off a dozen kittens."

Charlie looked aghast. "Who would do such a terrible thing?!'m so sorry. No, I didn't see anyone..."

"That's because you're scared of your own shadow!" Jimmy Percheron piped up from next door. Jimmy's head came over the wall and he smiled at me. "Charlie spooked at a field mouse last night. I had to calm him down after he ran to the other side of the pasture. He was laying in a ball, all crying and sucking his hoof by the time I got to him. Yeah, this one didn't see anything. If he did, he just ran from it. Wouldn't have had time to get details like a description or license plate numbers."

"Would you stop fabricating lies about me!" Charlie snapped. In another second he lunged for Jimmy and proceeded to induce a fistacup. Again, I shrugged them off, knowing I had wasted my time.

I felt as if the whole morning had been a waste of time. I didn't have any leads but I had plenty of kittens. That darn was all his fault!

I saw my partner was questioning our clients from Cooptown. There were many protestations to get access to Kennel Bar, but my partner was holding strong and not allowing anyone access until we had some answers.

"Did anyone see anything!" He yelled. "Someone dropped off these cats! That's the only explanation there is this!"

There was a chorus of "Nos." and "I didn't see anything. Did you see anything? No I didn't see anything."

"This is useless." My partner told me. "No is talking."

"It's Bush's fault." I mumbled and opened up Kennel Bar for the day. The tidal wave of feathers crested over the threshold and the great chicken migration began.

Feeling defeated and very disappointed, I told my partner to finish his work in Cooptown, then meet me back in the office. There we discussed possibilities of suspects, motives and possible solutions. Two things we knew for sure: One: The kittens had been deposited on us. Two: They were not welcome to stay. I called the local orphanage, but being a Saturday, of course the boss lady was not there and apparently doesn't have to report to work until Monday at noon. She would be able to say if they had room at their facility or not.

As of now, the status of this case is still open and we will continue to work on it. I am feeling certain someone will crack in Cooptown if more forceful questioning is implied. I believe scare tactics will have to be used.

It is sad that people cannot, or will not, afford to take care of their animals. Due to the current economic situation, these kids were dumped on us...and I cannot guarantee and a happy storybook road ahead of them.

Thanks Mr. Bush. Thanks a lot.

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