Wednesday, February 10, 2016

They Say That Becca's Back

Can I just say "WOW!"....and not in the Flava Flav type of way...
It's been soooooo long...for a lot of things. Blogging, chickens, being creative. A lot has gone down since I last posted.
A couple of years ago I attended our church's annual Ash Wednesday services and committed myself to not only give up something near and dear to my heart for 40 days, but to DO something near and dear to my heart for 40 days. I was going to write something everyday and sling shot myself into the daily discipline. It worked too for almost two years; no matter how late a journal entry was or how busy I was or how many episodes of The Real Housewives I had DVR'd, the second Carl went down for his nap I came to the office, opened my laptop and typed away dreaming of book tours and book signings. Man was I popular in my fantasies!!
The day I found out I was pregnant obviously was a journal-entry day (as those big events are usually reserved for the books in which we record our thoughts and emotions) but something happened. All my creative juices that buzzed through my veins was suddenly redirected to the daily care of my son and the epic job of creating a new life (a nine pounder I may add!) I had nothing left at the end of those muggy days...all I could do in the evening was crawl to couch and watch Caroline Ingalls do it all on the prairie and still have the energy to run out the door at the end of the day and say "Oh Charles!" with more enthusiasm than is believable. (I still love her though.)
So...that's where I was for the past, I don't know, more than nine months now.
But, I'm happy to say that as the last whisper of postpartum pain diminishes, it is replaced with an old fire, an old pulse that still beats deep inside of me and that is to write and create.
Something that bugs me about pregnancy is the fact that you are made to sit out on the disabled list. I hate the DL...probably because I've been blessed enough in my life not to have had to spend a lot of time there. But thanks to 21st century law of wussiness, (I really want to use a stronger term here) one who is with child cannot do an array of daily/normal activity, despite what is portrayed on episodes of Little House on the Prairie.
 This time "away" gets you in a whole new mind set so that when you are officially cleared back to health and back to normal again, it feels odd at first that you don't have that "I'm pregnant" excuse. Your whole thought process is different.
For example: the day I found out I was expecting, I'd bought a 20 ounce Mt. Dew (judge me as you will). I'd taken like two sips of the thing, watched as the positive sign was revealed, tried to keep from passing out on the toilet, then threw the rest of the Dew away. Fast forward nine months and I'm heaving a wheelbarrow full of horse poo out of the stall and that voice taps my ear and says, "Should you lift this? You're...oh wait. No you're good! Not pregnant anymore!"
And so...I'm back. Even though I can't make any promises how consistent this is going to be, I have been feeling those old vibrations of my past self more and more lately.
A nice day not too long ago, Carl and I were in the barn cleaning stalls. As we went through the old and familiar motions I could feel the wheels begin to turn in the creative side of my brain, despite the rust and cobwebs that had grown there. Funny how such a place can generate such a strong spark, but it's always been that way.

And funny too that today is Ash Wednesday, the day it all began not so long ago. Things have really come around full circle.
And lastly, for all the time spent on the DL, the empty pages that have yet to be written, the eye rolling of pregnancy rules and the self berating that you didn't have Caroline's energy during the first trimester, you'd go through it all over again in a heartbeat to have the latest addition to your family.

Welcome Abigail Catherine!

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